Saturday, January 8, 2011

Indulgence, Diets, and Judgment

I don't really make New Years resolutions... they never stick and then just make you feel guilty for not following through. So, I made no resolution for 2011. 

Dear Husband and I have been talking about getting back to the gym and back in shape for a while but just haven't really gotten serious about it- what with the holidays and all... anyway I kept telling him "After the holidays are over we'll really get to work"... this was my excuse to indulge and eat whatever I want and not have to miss out on delicious and fattening goodies at parties and family gatherings. 

Although I suppose if it's a habit it wouldn't really be indulging would it?

DH bought me the Reebok Runtone's so I can run to work out, or at least that's the idea- but really the reason I wanted them is because the girls on the commercials have such great butts and my flat ass is a sad disappointment. I also decided to try that Special K 2 week challenge. The issue is that I'm the least self-disciplined person in the world- hate dieting, hate working out, always cheat... but I really do wanna shape up and feel better about myself (and my eternal spare tire). I figured this might be a good place to start.

Anyway, I went to Target tonight (a much delayed errand) to return some items and pick up a few things I've been meaning to buy like a scale and free weights... cat food, etc. I get up to the register and after I've laid all my purchases on the belt I suddenly feel an overwhelming rush of embarrassment as I see what it looks like. I've got an intense weight watchers scale, a million boxes of Special K diet bars, protein meal shakes, free weights, a yoga dvd, wheat thins, organic fruit strips... "Hi! I think I'm fat, my new years resolution was to lose weight, I'm really excited to start and I'm buying all this stuff to try and get skinny and feel better about myself!" Thats what my line up of purchases was saying to everyone that could see them and the check girl. I felt judged. So judged.

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